Ever had that dreaded feeling of disappointment?

Disappointment comes in many different shapes and sizes, yet it all boils down to an expectation we had, that somehow was not met.

When you embark on a new venture, going to try something new, or have worked really hard at something you have wanted to do, you create a result in your mind. A mental picture of how it will look, feel and be. Which is a positive thing, actually, it is a needed thing, cause otherwise why would you do it in the first place… right?

But let’s be honest, it doesn’t always go the way we imagine.

You may be wandering at this point, “Tanya, what are you rambling about?”

Ok wait let me back up and explain, then you can relate it back to what you too may have experienced.

Back to the beginning…

When I built insidestory.co.za I had such a roll-a-coaster of emotions.

Firstly, all I knew is that I wanted a place where I could write my thoughts and feelings. And after so many people commenting, ” you have such a gift with writing, you should do something with it’, something had to be done… Ok great, thank you, but what? Blogging! Oh, ok great, the seed was planted…

Then to the vision of what I wanted to build. Getting it in bits and pieces, editing it in stages and many hours of hair pulling moments, I nearly threw in the towel, but I just kept on going.  Frustration and exhaustion tugging at my endurance. Not forgetting feelings of inadequacy, and sometimes downright stupidity in learning how to do something new. Throw in some trying to overcome a few insecurities along the way too, made it all the more draining, but I had to just keep on, gotta persevere…

It’s happening…

Launch day… now the courage to post your first piece of writing to be displayed to all the world, a very real piece on doubts and fears.

The result… a few comments, likes, a share or two. (not at all how you imagined)

Never mind, Rome wasn’t built in a day.

Persevere, the next post, a few more comments and likes…Ok getting better… (At least your friends support you) Meanwhile in the way back, deep down, inner part of your mind the whisper begins… “this is not going how I thought it would”

C’mon, you just got to keep on… Another post, dig deep! This time God asking you to be really transparent and vulnerable! (talk about stretching…) Your mind cheers from the side, “Now this is going to spread like wildfire”. In reality, a little more momentum, maybe a share or two more. A few more comments, likes and a few kind words too. However, the fire… nope only a few smoldering reads here and there.

Slip into the back-up, a poem, giving your tender feelings a much-needed rest. The forever optimistic mind now eagerly waits, like a lioness stalking her prey…. nope, the buck got away… no success today…

The downward spiral of disappointment begins.

“See, I knew it wasn’t going to work”.  “Did you really think this was going to be a success?”  “Maybe I had it all wrong”

Disappointment clutches at your heart, drags you into a pit of frustration, what a let-down… Was it all for nothing?  What happened? Where did I go wrong? Could I have done more? The haunting questions and wanderings seep in, lulling you into a coma of ignoring it.

So, after a month and a bit, a visit to my daughter and yes, a few people asking me, “when’s the next post coming?” I could no longer escape that time of much needed and dreaded introspection.

What went wrong? How did I go from all excited to launch and post, to dread and complete avoidance to post?

And just like you sit upright awake, from a terrorising nightmare, it hit me, disappointment!

You see the idea I had in my mind, and what materialised was two different things. or was it? Or was it me maybe having unrealistic expectations? Or maybe just not taking time, into consideration?

There are many reasons and variables that have got me to this point, but the main ones I want to hi-lite here is that due to my expectations not materialising as quickly as it had in my mind, I simply gave up…

That’s the hidden agenda of disappointment, getting you to give up…

How many dreams, ventures, passions, goals and businesses and have been snubbed out. Hope chocked out of them and driven to premature graves, all because disappointment unleashed its power.

“You see, it’s never going to happen, so why bother?” or ” You tried, it didn’t work, so just give up…”  Many of us have unfortunately found ourselves in that place. What do we do? How do we Overcome this?

This is where you have a choice, either to crouch down in defeat, it was just a pipe dream, it is what it is and I need to survive.  Or we can reflect, take some time to lick your wounds and try another approach.

It’s ok to have some down time, maybe its required. Cause it is in those moments that we can really look back, think about what we really want, how much we want it and how hard we are willing to work to get it? Yes, maybe it requires a tweak or two, here and there. A redesign or shift from the original. A fresh new look, or angle. Maybe we just need some down time to rejuvenate and gather our thoughts.

I do believe that disappointment can only hold us a prisoner of giving up, as long as we allow it. Because even if we just start thinking, about how to overcome it, disappointment already starts to lose its power, don’t you think?

Just Keep on, Keeping on…

This time, I am letting it go how it needs to go. Breathing in between and trying a new view. Simmering down that over eager, big dreamer, mind of mine, and just going to take it a step at a time. Be kinder to myself and I am not going to give up, rather I am going to be a bit more patient.

Simply allow this dream to grow from seed to seedling.  From seedling to young plant. From young plant to young tree and finally, from young tree to strong, rooted and majestic tree.

So here is my next post, and hopefully just as I will keep on keeping on,

so too, will you.😉